advice column: can i keep my bush and my boyfriend too?

he hates pubic hair. i want to keep mine.

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I’ve been the other woman. I’ve stayed too long, left too soon, and played it cool when I wanted to fall apart. I’ve asked myself every question you’re too afraid to say out loud—and now I’m answering them.

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Dear Laura,
My boyfriend and I have been together since high school — we’re now in our mid-30s. I loved him the moment I saw him at age 15 and we’ve grown up together in so many ways.

But there’s one thing that’s always bothered me: he expects me—and all women—to be completely hairless. Everywhere. Always.

I think it started back in school, when boys would get weirdly grossed out by body hair on girls, and it just… stuck. Until now, I’ve gone along with it. But lately I’ve really wanting to grow out my bush. Being totally bare makes me feel like a kid—and honestly, I want to feel like a woman.

I’ve read your Substacks on having a bush and I loved them—they made me feel so seen and ignited a desire in me that I’d pushed away. And now, I really need your advice. I’m scared to bring it up. My boyfriend still makes the occasional gross comment about women with body hair, and I don’t know why, but it makes me nervous to speak up.

How do I raise it with him without causing a fight, or worse—rejection?

Love,
S

Dear S,

Firstly, I love that you have this teenage-sweethearts love story. I always wanted one of those, but the boys at my high school were far too foul-mouthed to warrant anything but an occasional kiss behind the gym.

That said just because something started in high school, doesn’t mean it needs to stay there.

What’s ‘hot’ and what’s ‘not’ is often shaped by what earns a boy’s approval—and what 15-year-old boy actually knows what he wants? We were all just making it up as we went. And growing up in a patriarchal world teaches us that our value lies in being what boys want.

It’s easy to fall in line at that age and with that constant looming pressure—I know I did, again and again. But as we grow into the women we’re meant to be, it’s only natural to start questioning the rules we’ve outgrown.

Growing out your bush is about so much more than grooming. It’s a reclamation. A reminder that your body is perfect the way it was made. Every part of us exists for a reason, even if we were encouraged to hide or remove it.