This is great on a personal note, so I'll share a little story...
In the end of 2021, I met a 23yo young man who came from a very abusive home. He quickly became the love of my life - he needed a family and I was very willing to take on an existing kid, more so than making one myself. He was my bear cub and I was his mamabear.
You wouldn't believe how few people understood our love. He was a kid who had never been loved properly, not by his family or the other drug addicts he hung out with. And I had never been met on my own level before, nor have I been since. Every time I offered him a life tool, he picked it up and learned to use it.
Yet I was judged a lot for taking care of him. "Your thing is weird." "Why does a grown man ask you everything?" "Isn't your partner jealous?" "How can you spend so much time with an attractive young man?" "Aren't you afraid he'll get you hooked on drugs?" Stuff like that. So much unnecessary judgment based on nothing more than other people's personal fears.
Ultimately, it's our bonds that matter though. What we had was more meaningful than anything anyone else thought of us. So I'm glad you're finding your worth and your place, because you definitely deserve it, sexuality and all 🔥
Thanks for being so vulnerable here! I think we are at the same level of 'overthinking awareness' (I mean that in a good way). I can relate to most of what you described, even though I am not in a relationship with a man who has a child. I really enjoyed this post!
The issue isn't that step mothers are childless (often they aren't), but that - since it's not their child - they tend to act badly towards it. This is further reinforced by abuse rates, both among stepfathers and stepmothers.
Here's data from over 20,000 child abuse reports: "A child under three years of age who lived with one genetic parent and one stepparent in the United States in 1976 was about seven times more likely to become a validated child-abuse case in the records than one who dwelt with two genetic parents."
This isn't a surprise for anyone who remembers that we are animals, that sex is primarily motivated by reproduction - it's what drives you to act how you're acting, along with your inability to exert control over it - and that, especially among other animals, off-springs from different fathers get killed off. See: Lions, primates, some birds, etc.
Or for that matter, the researchers on the subject: "Daly and Wilson point out that infanticide is an extreme form of biasing parental investment that is widely practiced in the animal world. For example, when an immigrant male lion enters a pride, it is not uncommon for him to kill the cubs fathered by other males."
This isn't limited to abuse or murder - especially since engaging in either would harm their relationship with the partner - but they will put in less effort, less resources, less time, and be less loving than towards their own offspring. There are, obviously, some differences between sexes - e.g, stepmother of a female child is likely to see it as competition. Instead of trying to understand things solely socially and blaming abstract constructs (like patriarchy, you might want to look into those who invented it, like Kate Millet who supported pedophilia), I suggest taking a glance at biology and evolution theory
Good grief! No wonder Arabs and others think white Western women are just sluts asking for it. Never in human history has there been so much fucking and so few babies to show for it. Fucking around usually ends with that person being fucked up or fucked over.
Not sure I understand the correlation between taking anyone to a sex party and being “bad.” What is bad? If you both decided to go, why would anyone else’s opinion matter?
This is great on a personal note, so I'll share a little story...
In the end of 2021, I met a 23yo young man who came from a very abusive home. He quickly became the love of my life - he needed a family and I was very willing to take on an existing kid, more so than making one myself. He was my bear cub and I was his mamabear.
You wouldn't believe how few people understood our love. He was a kid who had never been loved properly, not by his family or the other drug addicts he hung out with. And I had never been met on my own level before, nor have I been since. Every time I offered him a life tool, he picked it up and learned to use it.
Yet I was judged a lot for taking care of him. "Your thing is weird." "Why does a grown man ask you everything?" "Isn't your partner jealous?" "How can you spend so much time with an attractive young man?" "Aren't you afraid he'll get you hooked on drugs?" Stuff like that. So much unnecessary judgment based on nothing more than other people's personal fears.
Ultimately, it's our bonds that matter though. What we had was more meaningful than anything anyone else thought of us. So I'm glad you're finding your worth and your place, because you definitely deserve it, sexuality and all 🔥
You're an amazing writer <3
Truly. She is.
GUYSSS! This has made my day.
Thanks for being so vulnerable here! I think we are at the same level of 'overthinking awareness' (I mean that in a good way). I can relate to most of what you described, even though I am not in a relationship with a man who has a child. I really enjoyed this post!
Your writing on “making myself a character” gave me a new angle from which to view my experiences with myself.
That was awesome! Thank you.
This was lovely
Thanks for this.
"are inherently less valuable, even dangerous"
The issue isn't that step mothers are childless (often they aren't), but that - since it's not their child - they tend to act badly towards it. This is further reinforced by abuse rates, both among stepfathers and stepmothers.
Here's data from over 20,000 child abuse reports: "A child under three years of age who lived with one genetic parent and one stepparent in the United States in 1976 was about seven times more likely to become a validated child-abuse case in the records than one who dwelt with two genetic parents."
This isn't a surprise for anyone who remembers that we are animals, that sex is primarily motivated by reproduction - it's what drives you to act how you're acting, along with your inability to exert control over it - and that, especially among other animals, off-springs from different fathers get killed off. See: Lions, primates, some birds, etc.
Or for that matter, the researchers on the subject: "Daly and Wilson point out that infanticide is an extreme form of biasing parental investment that is widely practiced in the animal world. For example, when an immigrant male lion enters a pride, it is not uncommon for him to kill the cubs fathered by other males."
This isn't limited to abuse or murder - especially since engaging in either would harm their relationship with the partner - but they will put in less effort, less resources, less time, and be less loving than towards their own offspring. There are, obviously, some differences between sexes - e.g, stepmother of a female child is likely to see it as competition. Instead of trying to understand things solely socially and blaming abstract constructs (like patriarchy, you might want to look into those who invented it, like Kate Millet who supported pedophilia), I suggest taking a glance at biology and evolution theory
Looks like you need to do some research that isn't right-wing biased...
THANK YOU
Good grief! No wonder Arabs and others think white Western women are just sluts asking for it. Never in human history has there been so much fucking and so few babies to show for it. Fucking around usually ends with that person being fucked up or fucked over.
"It didn’t free me from shame. It just showed me where it lived. It made me more vulnerable. More honest. More myself.
In the end, the most intimate thing we shared wasn’t our bodies. It was our truth."
OOOOH that is so powerful. 🙏
Beautiful writing, beautiful reflections. Thank you so much for sharing. ♥️♥️♥️
Not sure I understand the correlation between taking anyone to a sex party and being “bad.” What is bad? If you both decided to go, why would anyone else’s opinion matter?
Read the article!
Such a meaningful piece! New fan here. ❤️